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Skilful Shepherding 1: The Gift of Remembering

By Anonymous.

When I re-entered the pastorate after six years in Chaplaincy, one of my former college lecturers, who had had three successful, long-term pastorates, passed a message to me. He simply told me to “Do the basic things well.” I took that to mean focus on good pastoral care, attentive preaching, diligent leadership, faithful shepherding. These are the marks of good pastorates more than strategies, vision-statements and fifty point plans.

What does it mean to be a faithful shepherd? For me, a key point is to remember as the one we care for remembers. It is all too easy in pastoral ministry to engage in a pastoral crisis: a husband’s death, a miscarriage, a broken relationship; but once the crisis has been managed, we move onto the next pressing issue. We may move on, but our parishioner often does not.  In my experience, the anniversary of a death is often more profoundly painful than the initial reaving. For a major crisis, two, three or even five years on, the pain is still being worked through.

This is when a simple pastoral card saying that you are remembering a parishioner in your prayers that day/week can work wonders. You may not have time to visit every anniversary event, but a card to say that the shepherd has not forgotten the sheep that are hurting is so beneficial, particularly around the very isolating issues of loss. You are remembering, you stand with them, you lift then before the ever mindful Father.

To this end, I commend to you a pastoral anniversary diary. In this diary, one can record all major pastoral events in the life of one’s church. At the beginning of each month, it’s easy to review the month to come and decide which anniversaries need marking with a card, a phone call or for the most needy, a visit. It takes just thirty minutes a month to `put in’ the events that have just transpired and `take out’ those that need action. Finally, one can pass the diary on to the new incumbent when one leaves, and it may well be the best give he/she will receive. Parishioners and church members need to know that their pastoral needs are not forgotten just because the shepherd changes.

Do the basic things well.