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A Funeral Service: For Whom?

By Ted Hale.

The funeral service is for the person who has died.

It may seem unbelievable now, but for a number of years there were those who, in their authorised liturgies, tried to deny any truth in this. I know of priests who ignore the advice, but the Roman Catholic Church's instruction for priests conducting funeral services is still "There is never to be a eulogy", though the priest may offer:

"A brief homily based on readings … to help members of the assembly understand that the mystery of God's love and the mystery of Jesus' victorious death and resurrection were present in the life of the deceased, and are active in their own lives as well" (The Roman Rite, "Order For Christian Funerals", 1991:47).

The life lived by the now dead person is apparently of no significance in its own right. On the other hand, priests are encouraged to show proper respect for the corpse, because it has been the temple of the Holy Spirit. I agree with that, but would add that most often the corpse is of a person who lived and who was and still is loved by those who now mourn. A genuine expression of love is how God's spirit will be seen at its best, not in some theological/biblical mantras. The mourners will value continuing respect for their loved one, but almost always they will want something said about the life of the person who died, and feel cheated if it is not.

Here I might offer a wide range of thoughts based on such disciplines as narrative theology, but I am sure ministers/readers can make their own connections between telling a story at funerals and the story-based nature of Christian faith. Let it be registered here that the funeral service would not be happening if someone not only died, but had a life. A funeral service is to mark that reality and to offer a life back to God for blessing and redemption.

The deceased person may not have professed a faith, and may have lived a life less than worthy of praise, but death for Christian ministers is never the final arbiter for someone's life. A prayerful underpinning of the service may give it a vicarious element in relation to the person who has died. Paul encouraged Corinthian Christians to believe that the prayers of faithful people can be efficacious for an unbeliever in a marriage partnership (1 Corinthians 7.14ff). The principle has wider application as is evident when it is suggested that the gospel is "preached even to those who are now dead" (1 Peter 4.6). That is a very challenging thought, but it is given expression when in faith I offer the person who has died a blessing and invite others to share in what is being done, or when there are no mourners and I must offer a service for the deceased person perhaps, but not always with only the pall bearers for company. In the face of death, the death of others as well as our own, we are an Easter people of hope who trust in triumphant love even for those who have died and who may have descended into hell (Psalm139.8. See also The Apostles' Creed).

Because the service is for the person who died, their beliefs will need to be taken into account. Many times I have conducted funerals where the majority in a congregation have not shared the faith or beliefs of the person who died. For example, the close relatives may believe in God, but the person who died was an avowed atheist. It is not easy to balance these two factors, but if the service (or ‘ceremony’ as it might sometimes be better described) pretends that the one who died was a believer, it will be less than honest. When Jesus said he was "the truth", I believe that had nothing to do with creeds, but much to do with being honest. This is demonstrated by his cries of "Woe" when he was confronted by hypocrites. Mourners will share Jesus' sense of anguish if the farewell for their loved one is hypocritical. The challenge for a minister is to balance belief in love's ultimate triumph with an equal commitment to love as bereavement and empathy.

I have been asked by two or three other ministers how I could possibly conduct a funeral for an atheist; and I respect those who feel they cannot. My guiding principle is that God as seen in Jesus, and whose Holy Spirit I am called to breathe in and out, is not a God who domineers and condemns, but a God who loves and serves. In keeping with my non-moralising reading of, "Be then perfect even as your Father in Heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5.48), I would maintain that, as ministers in God's service, we are called to reflect God's spirit of wholeness or shalom.

According to scripture, every human being is made in God's image. Equally, all have sinned and fall short of God's glory. The notion of ‘them’ and ‘us’ should be taboo for Christians. I was baptised at the age of eleven with the accompaniment of the hymn which includes the words "Thy love unknown has broken every barrier down". I have spent sixty years discovering more and more the wonderful and liberating insightfulness of these words. Funerals, more than anything else, should remind us that, without exception, we all lie naked before God and all are in need of God's blessing and redemption. Even if it is only through vicarious ministry, the person who has died is being offered to God, the only just judge and gracious saviour of us all. I would rarely use such ‘religious’ words in a funeral service, but in other ways it will usually be apparent that God as the loving saviour is the backdrop for all that is being done - or as it has been said, “Underneath are the everlasting arms" (Deuteronomy 33.27).

The service is for those who have been close to the person who has died.

The service is not only for the person who died, but for those who now mourn. It would seem that, in twenty-first century Britain, a believer is increasingly likely to be mourned by a predominantly agnostic or religiously indifferent congregation. The principle of honesty or ‘truth-fullness’ mentioned above should be applied, but with deep sensitivity. The typical contemporary British funeral congregation will hold a wide range of attitudes toward faith. It is right to bear in mind the probable presence of a wider and diverse group of people who will come to pay their respects or to support a family, but I quite deliberately give priority to the thoughts and feelings of those who have been closest to the person who has died. They are likely to be in greatest need of comfort and are best served through a service which takes full account of their faith. If it is at all possible, I will meet with them or speak to them a few days before the funeral service. By simple enquiries, such as "Would you like any hymns or prayers?" it is possible to begin to get a feeling of what would be most helpful for them when the service takes place.

I am now retired. As a matter of principle, only when our minister is away will I conduct funerals for members of the church where I was minister and remain a member. So almost all funerals I conduct are for people who have no direct connection with a church. As it happens, this was true for ninety per-cent of the funeral services I conducted when I was in full time paid ministry. I have had colleagues who would not conduct a funeral service for anyone other than their own church members. They believed that anyone who died without confessing Christ as their personal saviour could not receive God's blessing. Not only do I find this sadly arrogant, but also out of keeping with some central biblical messages. Jesus laid down his life for his friends (John 15.13), but he equally lived and died for other sheep (John 10.16), to draw all people to himself (John 12.32), that the whole world might be saved (John 317,35; 1 Timothy 2.4; 1 John 2.2).

Furthermore, my reluctant colleagues have missed out on such glorious riches. In my reading of the gospels, it would seem that Jesus did not have a lot of time for overly religious people, but he had a lot of time for people who had a much simpler faith. I am no longer surprised to find how many church people do not pray every day, and how many non-church people do. Often the non-church person's prayer is closer to the simplicity of the Lord's Prayer and the ‘few words’ enjoined by Jesus (Matthew 6.7-13) than are some of the long-winded prayers offered in church.  I have been asked how I can cope with conducting so many funerals (I once conducted six in one day!). It is no hardship. It may be very tiring, but being alongside people who for the most part want to trust in God for the eternal welfare of their loved ones is a wonderful privilege. They invariably feed my soul as much if not more than I minister to them. The funeral service is often for people who genuinely mourn, who know their need of God, know they are spiritually poor, and who I firmly believe have God's blessing (Matthew 5.3-5).

It is worth noting that, although my primary focus in a funeral service will be on those who have been closest to the person who died, I am not unmindful of the fact that other people will usually be there. The funeral service may be their only experience of Christian ministry and worship. Some of the advice given in 1 Corinthians 14.9-17 is very helpful in thinking through what kind of language should be used and determining what are the requirements for the service with regard to the needs of the wider congregation.

The service is for God

I believe that I am serving God when I serve my bereaved ‘neighbour’. But there is a separate sense in which the service is for God. A ‘service’ worthy of the name is always an offering to God. Even on those rare occasions when conversations with a family lead to there being no mention of God, perhaps because "that was his/her wish", I will always make it plain that I will be bringing my own unexpressed faith to the ceremony. I have never found that a problem, and some have been patently relieved that God would at least tacitly be acknowledged.

It is important to me in funeral ministry that the God to whom we offer worship is the God who died! For those who instinctively recoil at the thought that God is dead, I suggest a reading of Alan Lewis' theology of Holy Saturday (Between Cross and Resurrection, Eerdman's 2003). He gives much better expression than I can to the central Christian tenet of faith that, in Jesus Christ, God entered fully, completely into what it is to be human. To be human is to die. Words such as "God entered into death" are to be distrusted, with the implication that God could at any time get out of it. God is never outside looking in on our experience – “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Thou are with me” (Psalm 23.4) – “Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28.20) - God is with us - Immanuel - incarnate - dead - buried……

Alan Lewis would counsel us not to rush too quickly to say - "and risen". Resurrection has no significance unless death is first genuinely recognised and encountered. Indeed, it would seem that Lewis goes so far as to say that we all live between cross and resurrection. Our death is a matter of fact, our resurrection is a question of faith. The path to resurrection is the way of the cross. As Christian ministers, we offer our worship in the name of "the one who died"! There is no other God. According to at least one Psalmist (and one of the gospel writers applies this to Jesus), the experience of death is not necessarily a time when we are able to trust that God is with us and will raise us up (Psalm 22.1; Matthew 27.46). We should never take too-easily-appropriated-certainties into our ministry. This is most important at funeral services where people are compelled often unwillingly to recognise the reality of death, and at this point in time may find a call to faith in resurrection beyond their ken and decidedly unhelpful. Most seasoned ministers will know that ministry at its best is offered alongside people, where they are not where we would like them to be, or worse still think they ought to be.

Much of the above runs counter to a culture which wants to deny or delay death as much as is humanly possible. It is not uncommon to be asked for a service to be a celebration of the life rather than a mourning of a death. The totality of our faith will mean that we will not be merchants of doom and gloom. It will equally lead to us doing our best not to be dispensers of froth.  

Does the service belong to the church?

In some traditions, and for some ministers, the service definitely belongs to ‘The Church’. It is primarily arranged and conducted for ‘The Church’. This, at its sorriest, means a minister feels no need to visit a family in preparation for a funeral service, or the minister tells the bereaved what they can or cannot do on the basis of what ‘the church’ does or does not allow. For ‘the church’, one sometimes has to read ‘the particular minister’. Sometimes the minister is honest enough to say "I do not allow that in my church".

My view is that any minister who claims to own the church or own the liturgy or own anything else which is intended to help people in their search for God's blessing is offering a parody of the ministry of Jesus Christ. Ministry which is Christ-inspired is not about control of others, but about giving for others, losing oneself in the service of others (kenosis). Prayerfully working out what that means with regard to funeral services is one of the tasks to which we ministers of a church are called.

Incarnation means serious engagement with people as a prerequisite for adequately addressing their needs. I love the extra-church company which funeral ministry provides. I try to be a good representative of the church at its best in such ministry, but the funerals are generally speaking ‘on behalf of’ not ‘for’ the church. It must be acknowledged that sometimes it turns out to be of benefit to a church. People served with compassion in the name of the church do occasionally want to find the source of such understanding and will become part of a local congregation. I do not believe that proselytising should ever be an aim in funeral ministry, but I rejoice when it is an outcome.

There are some people who are long-time participants in a particular tradition. For such people, the traditional funeral service may be quite appropriate, but the service is appropriate because it is right for them and they can (to use the jargon) ‘own it’, not because this is what the church imposes or all the church chooses to offer. I did some doctoral research into the thoughts people had in the light of their experience of funeral services they had attended. One common negative response was, "It was all from a book - it could have been for anybody". Tradition need not depersonalise, but its misuse so easily can.

Of course, when the saints gather in their usual place of worship to bid farewell to a church member who has died, the service will be for the church, because that is who the congregation are, though even here words should be spoken which are intelligible for the ‘stranger’ who may be present (cf.1 Corinthians 14.16).

A funeral service conducted by an ordained minister will be for or on behalf of a church. It is for the person who has died. It is for those who mourn and who need to pay proper respect to a loved one. God is present in all of this. So in faith we offer ourselves, the people we serve and the services we conduct for God's benediction.

(This paper is based on the first chapter of "Help - I've Been Asked to Conduct a Funeral Service - Some practical guidelines for ministers" by Ted Hale - retired Baptist minister. The booklet is available free for download via the BUGB website http://www.baptist.org.uk/useful-information-for-churches/guidelines-manse-churches.html.  The guidelines, which are intentionally basic, were produced at the prompting of Gareth Shepherd who in his first full time pastorate thought the experience of funeral ministry of a more seasoned minister might be of some help.