« Back to Issue 47

Talking with Bereaved People - An approach for Structured & Sensitive Communication

Reviewed by Stephen Henwood.

Dodie Graves is an experienced bereavement service co-ordinator working at a West Midlands hospice. Graves has written a very useful book which will help others talk with and listen to bereaved people. Talking with the bereaved can be very difficult. The fear of upsetting someone often results in individuals shying away, adopting the philosophy of ‘better say nothing’ rather than causing harm to the bereaved person by saying the wrong thing. Sadly, this compounds a person’s feeling of loss and grief because they feel abandoned by their friends and loved ones.

This is a real pastoral problem which needs addressing as our churches are full of bereaved people. Some have lost a spouse, child or parent. Others’ loss revolves around a career, special possessions or something unique to them. Silence is harmful, not healing.

This book is not aimed at academics or those who have an understanding of the various bereavement theories, but for people who wish to helpfully support individuals through their bereavement. The key is not what you say, but the quality of your listening. It is listening to the story of the deceased’s life, and celebrating that life, helping them to cope with the loss and journey through the grief.

This is a readable book based on theory and practice and will help enormously pastoral care givers to listen attentively to the bereaved.