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The Day Jesus Invited Me Into His Heart

By Carolyn Gilmore and Mark Gilmore.

Maybe it was the heat - sunstroke has twisted many a person’s perception of reality.  Or maybe it was the hunger and thirst - we all know that light headed feeling which detaches us from our better judgement. Or maybe it was the tiredness - six weeks without a proper night’s sleep and sleep deprivation does not lead to good decision making.  Or maybe it was just Satan slipping one in under the wire.

But whatever it was, the fact remains that, one night after six weeks in the wilderness, Jesus came to the conclusion that he needed someone to help him with what lay ahead, and that someone was me. So, reaching out over time and cultures, he called out the Marcos Prayer and invited me into his heart, to strengthen, guide, empower, embolden and enable him for his mission and ministry;

• I can’t do this alone
• I need someone’s help
• Why not yours?
• Come into my heart
• Come in today
• Come in to stay
• Come into my heart

Cool! The first thing we needed to do was to get out of the wilderness - get some good food and drink, a shower and some new clothes. 

Then it was important for us to start to do things, to get noticed and make sure folks knew we were up to the Mission and Ministry task ahead. Jesus seemed to think that hearing God’s voice call out to him as “my beloved Son” was enough for now, but nobody else heard that voice and it was important that people see him in action, meeting felt needs. He had to make a name for himself, so I pushed him straight into some reputation building activity. With due respect, God loves us all, it’s what he does. No time to think of yourself as something special. Now was the time for something visible and solid. Now was the time to achieve. He could bask in God’s love in eternity.

We began by proclaiming the good news of God.  But while Jesus wanted to go with the short, but not too sweet, “repent and believe, I guided him towards the more palatable proclaiming good news for the poor, recovery of sight for the blind, freedom for the oppressed and the year of the Lord’s favour. It conveniently skips the vengeance angle and seems much more suited to our non judgemental times.

Then he started to build his team. I let him go ahead. Ultimately they were all going to prove to be more trouble than they were worth. Their own issues and psychoses would make it difficult to ultimately count on them. They were all screwed up in their own way from Peter’s severe insecurity through Andrew’s desire for certainty to James and John’s superiority complex. So as not to mess with the gospel narrative too much, we could keep them as peripheral characters, but I knew, when it came to the bit, Jesus and I would have to act alone if the Kingdom of God was ever to get any closer.

So, with Andrew, Peter, James and John on board, we went to Capernaum and, when the Sabbath came, Jesus went into the synagogue and began to teach. The people were amazed at his teaching, because he taught them as one who had authority, not as the teachers of the law.

Just then a man in their synagogue who was possessed by an evil spirit cried out, “What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are - the Holy One of God!”

The guy was a fruitcake. Have you ever noticed how there is something about church that seems to attract the socially inept and mentally unstable? This stuff has been going on for thousands of years. This guy was totally shifty and couldn’t keep his mouth shut.  You can’t speak to these people, you just have to humour them, grin and hope that their meds keep them ‘quiet.’  This guy was ruining everything and I didn’t really know what to do about it, so I stepped aside and let Jesus handle it his way. Maybe we’d get lucky and Jesus really had come to destroy him.

“Be quiet!” Jesus said sternly. “Come out of him!” The evil spirit shook the man violently and came out of him with a shriek. The people were all so amazed that they asked each other, “What is this? A new teaching - and with authority! He even gives orders to evil spirits and they obey him. News about him spread quickly over the whole region of Galilee.

Excellent! That went much better than I could have hoped for - now we’re getting somewhere. Then, as soon as we left the synagogue, we went with James and John to the home of Simon and Andrew. Simon’s mother-in-law was in bed with a fever, so of course they told Jesus about her. So we went to her, Jesus took her hand and helped her up. The fever left her and she began to wait on us. Result!

What a day, I was really looking forward to putting my feet up and getting a bit of ME time. A glass of wine in the evening, maybe watch a bit of 1st century Tele (“I’m the Messiah, Get Me Out of Here” looked particularly intriguing). But that evening after sunset, the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon possessed. The whole town gathered at the door.  Give us a break, for heaven’s sake! Do these people not have any sense of decency? Absolutely no idea of the sort of day we’ve been through, no thought about what our needs might be. Oh no it’s all heal ME, me, me, me. Talk about needy. It’s my first day on the job and already I feel like I’m being bled dry, having the compassion and humanity sucked out of me. No one ever thinks about us and what we might need, people are so emotionally selfish here. This is out of hand. So I use my not inconsiderable influence with Jesus to get him to send them away with appointments to come back and see us next week - we can manage things that way. Once the last one has left, we drop into bed exhausted from a long, hard day.

In the morning before dawn, I can feel his desire to get up, leave the house and pray. It’s a great idea Jesus. I’m proud of you, but I honestly just can’t do it. After the day we had yesterday, if we do this, we’ll burn out - and soon. With people until after sunset, up before dawn - something has to go, we can’t keep this pace up. It can’t be the preaching and the good works That’s central to what we do - people need us. The prayer can wait, God will understand, we’ll fit it in sometime. Let’s just stay here for a while, things are going well, we’re a success here, let’s just build on that. If it’s working, let’s keep doing it. People are happy, numbers are up - what else could anyone want? 

Just turn over and go back to sleep, Jesus, never mind what you want for now, because I’ve learnt it’s best to let a sleeping Jesus lie.