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Entering Ministry

By Ann Sheldon.

At a retreat house in Suffolk, we as a group of four students in training for ministry in the United Reformed Church happened to meet up with an Anglican ordinand whom we knew through the Cambridge Theological Federation. All of us were in our final year of training, and the talk inevitably turned to thoughts of leaving college, our hopes and fears for what the coming year might hold. These were some of our ideas.

"I'm really afraid of loneliness and isolation"

We have all experienced leaving at least once before not least because, in pursuing the call to train for ministry, we have all moved away from work and home. This, however, is a different kind of leaving, as there is a very real sense of stepping for a second time into the unknown, but this time without the support system of a ready-made college community.

"I'm scared of ending up running around and firefighting all the time"

In looking at the lives of ministers and vicars we knew, we saw the risk of being permanently driven by the urgency of the task immediately in hand.  We were aware that being busy with things we must do could be a distraction from focussing on the things we should do, and that we might in particular fail in the need to reflect both on our own ministry and on the future direction of our congregations. Linked with this is the worry over what happens when we being busy means we lose the intellectual stimulus of constant reading. Might there be a risk that we simply stop thinking?

"How do I not get eaten up by the work and the demands on me?" 

A number of concerns lay behind this question, but the central one was the recognition that in ministry we can simply never finish, never do all that is expected of us. A related concern was that congregations might prove overly dependent on their minister for a whole range of functions, spiritual and other. We felt that it might be helpful to turn this around and, instead of asking: "How do I fulfil all these demands?", it might be better to recognise honestly the impossibility of doing it all and reflect instead on the question: "What am I really called to spend time on this week, and how well can I do it?". The balance here we felt was between the need to remain vulnerable and the risk of being overwhelmed.

"How am I going to worship when I'm leading worship all the time?" 

There were concerns over the loss of the impetus to spiritual growth which comes from the opportunities we currently enjoy of worshipping in a whole range of styles. We are told that, with experience, it becomes easier to worship in a service you are leading, but we weren't sure whether we could reach the point of really being 'lost' in worship in those circumstances.

"I'm really excited about offering different styles of worship"

On the other hand, the recognition that so many churches are looking for change in their worship styles was seen as a very positive factor, and there were real hopes that we could grow spiritually ourselves while encouraging congregations to do the same.

"I do hope I'm not going to get swamped with negativity"

In leaving theological colleges, we're emerging from an environment buzzing with ideas and new possibilities. We were concerned about the reality of life in the church outside, and in particular the problems of leading churches through the process of managing change seemed very real to us. The view of the church leader's role as one of managing decline appeared especially gloomy. The balance of being honest and realistic with our congregations about where we are, while remaining hopeful and positive about where God could be leading us might, we acknowledged, be a difficult one to strike.

"I hope to see church growth"

The most obvious sign that our ministry was bearing fruit would, we felt, be in a sense of growth within our congregations - but what kind of growth? Should we be focussing on growth in discipleship, in attendance numbers, in spirituality, in commitment, or perhaps growth in all of these? We agreed that the only "hard" measure was given by numerical results, but that paradoxically this might only be achieved by focussing on the other areas. How do we avoid the "cop out" of discounting numbers, while recognising that they do not give the whole picture?

The differences between the call processes of our two denominations gave rise to an interesting discussion. The Anglican ordinand spoke of her hopes for a good relationship with her incumbent, rightly recognising the central role which this was going to play in her life. The position of the United Reformed Church students was less clearcut: we all had high hopes of good relationships with our churches, as in each case an overwhelming majority within the congregations in question had supported our call. We noted, however, the ambivalence of the position in which this left us: does a substantial and enthusiastic call energise both us and our congregations, or can it simply serve to ramp up expectations on both sides to a point where it is difficult for these to be fulfilled? The fear of failure, especially visible and public failure, felt very real at this point in the discussion.

"I just feel so inexperienced"

At this point in our training, with only weeks left to go to the end, questions as to how well prepared we really felt were bound to arise. This was far more the case for the United Reformed Church students who, unlike their Anglican colleagues, do not have a period of curacy on leaving college. Having said this, we also discussed our previous experience of life, work and the church, and felt that we were bringing more than simply our college training to the pastorates which had called us. In reality, we recognised that no amount of training would provide a substitute for finding ourselves in the role of minister and having to deal with all that it brings. The analogy of learning to ski was mentioned: we can do any amount of watching videos and performing exercises, but in the end we just have to go out there and fall over, trusting that those around us will pick us up with gentleness and grace!

Our final hope was that we might discover that we were right: that God was calling us, and that we had in fact found ourselves in places where we could work and grow, becoming the people we were called to be, and helping our congregations to do the same.