« Back to Issue 35

Relative Grief

Reviewed by Stephen Henwood.

This is a very powerful book and readers will find it difficult to read more than a few pages at one time. Cicely Saunders, founder of the modern day hospice movement, commented that our patients are our best teachers. Here, the bereaved talk about their experiences. We learn from parents and children, sisters and brothers, husbands, wives and partners, grandparents and grandchildren. Some experienced sudden, violent and tragic bereavement, while others witnessed their loved ones going through a long and difficult illness where death came as a release. 

Each death is unique. Bereavement is personal and full of surprises, some bringing comfort and others very disturbing. Only the bereaved can work through all the complexities of their grief. What is also clear from this volume is the aspect of commonality in bereavement. Feeling angry, cheated, the need to visit places where death occurred, and the multitude of feelings which often emerge particularly at times of anniversary, are all captured in this volume. The reader is left with no doubt how painful bereavement is for all concerned.

I am sure I will refer to this book often. At present some of the stories are too painful for me to read in depth, but things will change. This book would be beneficial for all those engaged in ministry where contact with bereaved people is regularly experienced. It will help those engaged in training bereavement support workers to focus on real stories rather than amalgam of cases which are never very satisfying.

It does need to be remembered that while death is the hardest of all grief to bear, our churches are full of people who have experienced many losses and they, too, need pastoral care.