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Timothy And Charlotte

By Paul Beasley-Murray.

This article is a transcript of the sermon preached by the author at the wedding of his son and daughter-in-law. When you announced that you were going to get married in this church, I was both pleased and intrigued. I was pleased that you wanted to be married in church, but intrigued that you had chosen this particular church, for this church of St Dunstan’s and All Saints, the parish church of Stepney, is one of the ‘Oranges and Lemons’ churches. ‘Oranges and Lemons’ is an English nursery rhyme which young children love to sing:

‘Oranges and Lemons’, say the Bells of St Clement’s. ‘You owe me five farthings’, say the Bells of St Martin’s. ‘When will you pay me?’ say the Bells of Old Bailey. ‘When I grow rich’, say the Bells of Shoreditch. ‘When will that be?’ say the Bells of Stepney. ‘I do not know’, say the Great Bells of Bow. ‘Here comes a candle to light you to bed Here comes a chopper to chop off your head Chip chop chip chop - the last man’s dead’.

Now, as no doubt the rector of the church knows, the origin of this nursery rhyme is found in some of the rituals surrounding the execution of prisoners in the early 18th century. A candle would be lit outside the condemned man’s cell, the ‘Bells of Old Bailey’ would peel, and subsequently all the other bells, including the ‘Bells of Stepney’ would join in. Hence the final three lines of the nursery rhyme. What a start to a marriage! You have chosen to get married in one of these churches. What’s more, you have asked for the bells to be pealed immediately following the service. What message will those bells be conveying? The twentieth century Russian anarchist, Emma Goldman, would have been quite clear. These bells, she would have said, announce the death knell of your love for one another.

“Marriage and love have nothing in common; they are as far apart as the poles; they are, in fact, antagonistic to one another…. Dante’s motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage: ‘Ye who enter here leave all hope behind’”.

Thank God, Emma Goldman and her followers are in the minority. The bells will be celebrating not the death of your love, but the fulfillment of your love in marriage. In the words of a song by Cahn and van Heusen, popularized by Frank Sinatra:

“Love and marriage, love and marriage It’s an institute you can’t disparage Ask the local gentry And they will say it’s elementary Try, try to separate them It’s an illusion Try, try, try and you will only come To this conclusion Love and marriage, love and marriage Go together like a horse and carriage”

I’ll spare you from the rest of the doggerel. However, you’ve got the point. Love and marriage do indeed go together like a horse and carriage. That’s why we are all here today. So let me reflect on your love and marriage. At the moment I guess you are both starry-eyed. You both think you're the cat’s whiskers, and with good reason. Charlotte probably thinks Timothy is the most wonderful man in the world; and certainly Timothy can't imagine a more adorable woman than Charlotte! Alas, the time will come when this dream will be over. ‘Love’, it has been said, ‘is a temporary insanity, curable by marriage’ (Ambrose Bierce). ‘Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock’ (John Barrymore). Yes, at some stage the bubble will burst and you will discover that neither of you is the ultimate in perfection. Then what? I believe that the secret of any lasting marriage is a four-letter word called love - in particular the love of which the Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:

“Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs.... Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail.”

Paul wrote these words to a church where relationships were far from right, where there were some very real disagreements. But these words are also applicable to marriage, for love is the key to all successful relationships. What is this love of which Paul speaks? Hollywood equates love with sex. Mills and Boon equates it with romantic slush. The confectionery industry equates it with giving him your last Rolo. The love of which Paul speaks is an unusually special kind of love. The Greek language has a number of words for love. There was eros-love, i.e. erotic/sexual love; but that is not the word Paul uses here. There was philia-love, the love good friends have for one another; but that is not the word Paul uses here. There was storge-love, affectionate love which parents have for their children; but that too is not the word Paul uses here. No, Paul speaks here of agape-love. Agape is a word unknown in classical Greek. It is a word which the first Christians picked up and used to speak of the kind of love which Jesus has for us. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul makes a host of statements about agape-love. I want to highlight just three: 1. Love is about giving It is about putting the other person first. In the words of Paul: “Love is not jealous or conceited or proud - love is not selfish” (vv.4,5). Zsa-Zsa Gabor said: “Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended”. Leonard Bernstein, the great American composer and conductor, was once asked what was the hardest instrument to play. Without hesitation he replied:

“Second fiddle. I can always get plenty of first violins, but to find one who plays second fiddle with as much enthusiasm, or second French horn, or second flute, now that’s a problem. And yet if no one plays second, we have no harmony.”

Love is putting the other first - love is not self-seeking, love is self-giving. All this we see in Jesus who, in giving himself for us, put us first. He put our interests first. 2. Love is forgiving the other “Love does not keep a record of wrongs” (v.5). Woody Allen’s marriage might have lasted had he learned to forgive. As it was he said of his wife: “She was so immature. She kept sinking the boats in my bath”. Saying sorry and forgiving each other is something we all need to learn. Ogden Nash had some wise advice for husbands:

“To keep your marriage brimming with love in the marriage cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right. shut up!”

3. Love is always giving If your love is to be like that of Jesus, then there is to be no end to your love. In the words of Paul: “Love never gives up” (v.7a). It is often been said that 1 Corinthians 13 is a description of the person of Jesus. Jesus never gave up on anybody. He never gave up on Peter - indeed, I don’t believe he ever gave up on Judas Iscariot. And what was true of them, is true too of us. He loved us to the end, even to dying for us on a Cross. In a way which is true of nobody else, Jesus gave of himself to others, and in giving of himself, he forgave even the worst of hurts against him. Needless to say, if you are to learn to love one another with the love of Jesus, then you need to put Jesus at the centre of your marriage: only then can you put each other first; only then can you forgive each other; only then can you keep on loving. Timothy and Charlotte, I believe that by getting married in church today, you recognize your need to have God’s blessing on your life to together. But to know his blessing, it is not simply enough to have a church wedding. In the days and years that lie ahead, you must learn to put Jesus first and to show the kind of love that Jesus has shown to us all. May God help you to do that, and so may God bless you both, and may your marriage be a blessing not only to one another, but also to all those who enter your home.